| G | Bm | Em | | I read the | news today oh | boy |
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| C | Em | Am | Cmaj7 | | About a | lucky man who | made the | grade |
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| G | Bm | Em | | And though the | news was rather | sad |
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| C | F | Em | | Well I just | had to lau | gh |
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| C | F | Em | Cmaj7 | | I saw the | photo | gra | ph. |
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| G | Bm | Em | | He blew his | mind out in a | car |
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| C | Em | Am | Cmaj7 | | He didn't | notice that the | lights had | changed |
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| G | Bm | Em | | A crowd of | people stood and | stared |
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| C | F | Em | | They'd seen his | face be | fore |
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| Em | C | | Nobody was really sure If he was from the House of | Lords |
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| G | Bm | Em | | I saw a | film today oh | boy |
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| C | Em | Am | Cmaj7 | | The English | Army had just | won the | war |
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| G | Bm | Em | | A crowd of | people turned a | way |
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| C | F | Em | | But I just | had to lo | ok |
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| Em | C | | Having read the | book |
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| Cmaj7 | Bm | G | Am7 | Em | I'd | love to | turn | you | on | |
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| | E | | | Woke up, fell out of bed, |
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| | Esus4 | | Dragged a comb across my | head |
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| | E | F#m7 | | Found my | way downstairs and | drank a cup, |
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| | E | F#m7 | B7 | | And | looking up I | notice I was | late. |
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| | E | | Found my | coat and grabbed my hat |
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| | Esus4 | | Made the bus in second | flat |
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| | E | F#m7 | B7 | | Found my | way upstairs and | had a | smoke, |
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| | E | F#m7 | Am | | | Somebody spoke and I | went into a dream | |
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| G | Bm | Em | | I read the | news today oh | boy |
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| C | Em | Am | Cmaj7 | | Four thousand | holes in Blackburn, | Lanca | shire |
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| G | Bm | Em | | And though the | holes were rather | small |
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| C | F | Em | | They had to | count them | all |
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| Em | C | | Now the know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert | Hall |
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| Cmaj7 | Bm | G | Am7 | E | I'd | love to | turn | you | on | |
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